DSFL | Chapter 102

~Chapter 102~

“You should’ve told me that…”

Ricardo’s words made my chest tighten unexpectedly.

“Do I have no pride? You say nothing at all—how could I possibly be the first to say it’s okay and forgive you?”

Even saying this much took a lot of courage. Or maybe it wasn’t courage. Maybe it was just words I couldn’t hold back anymore, all spilling out in a mess.

“Why? Even now, do you just want to run away again?”

I glared at Ricardo, frustrated, as he stayed silent.

“You wanted to break off the engagement too, didn’t you?”

At my words, a vein appeared faintly on Ricardo’s neck, but I didn’t stop.

“You were sick of Bianca Roygin and wished she’d give up and leave on her own. That’s why you kept Idette close, right?”

“……!”

“You’re not being quiet for my sake. You just don’t want your true feelings to be exposed.”

You always said it—you were selfish. And come to think of it, you never lied about that.

“Be honest.”

Then, suddenly—

“Why?!”

Ricardo raised his voice.

“Why do you want that answer so badly?”

He looked like he just couldn’t understand me.

“If I admit it… what would even change?”

“…….”

“Nothing will change. You’ll just end up hurt.”

A bitter laugh escaped between his teeth.

“If you’d said you hated being with me and that it made you miserable, I could’ve understood that at least.”

Dry leaves crunched under his fast steps.

“I know better than anyone that we can’t just act like nothing happened. And any excuse I make would only sound like a lie, so I decided to wait. Because if I got close like before, you’d run again.”

His chest rose and fell with uneven breaths.

“Even knowing that, you say it’s fine? Then yell at me, blame me—anything!”

“…….”

“Why do you treat me like someone not even worth that?”

He lowered his head as if he couldn’t bear to look at me. The frustration in his eyes wasn’t aimed at me—it was aimed at himself.

He roughly rubbed his face and said firmly,

“I don’t want to argue with you anymore. Especially not about her.”

Even though I knew I was right, he still denied it. His pale face was filled with fear.

It felt like he was stuck at the edge of a cliff, desperate to escape this conversation.

…Even the promise that he wouldn’t lie to me was a lie.

‘You’ll never be truly honest with me.’

My blood ran cold.

I thought if I spoke first, something would change. But I was wrong.

Ricardo was already trying to change the subject again.

“It’s late. Let’s talk another time.”

“Another time? When exactly is that?”

“On a better day than today.”

I couldn’t even respond.

If he had nothing more to say, I shouldn’t care anymore either.

“Fine. Though I doubt that day will ever come.”

As I turned away to end the conversation, he quickly added,

“I found a walking trail.”

“…So?”

Seeing my cold face, he added nervously,

“There are lots of flowers you like there…”

His eyes reddened, and he paused, trying to control his emotions. Then with a trembling voice, he continued,

“There are so many things I want to do with you. Really, so many…”

“…….”

“I don’t want to waste our time together on things like this.”

He awkwardly grabbed my hand.

So this is how he wants to avoid it all?

If we do, we’ll keep ending up right back here.

Honestly, the one most bothered by Idette… was Ricardo himself.

He was the one who acted all sensitive and hurt.

I clenched my hand tighter. Ricardo tried to hold my hand, but I wouldn’t open it. Seeing that, despair spread across his face.

“Please… don’t hate me.”

I held my breath. Ricardo clung to me, begging.

“What scares me most… is being hated by you.”

That’s not what I wanted to hear.

The only reason I started this conversation was because I was desperate to escape the suffocating tension.

So I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“What I wanted was your honesty and apology!”

“…….”

“I don’t even need an apology anymore—I’ve spent all this time trying to understand you on my own! But you’re the one who wants to be forgiven.”

I couldn’t just stay quiet anymore.

There was such an easy way to fix this, yet he ignored it.

“If you don’t apologize, how can I forgive you?”

I said it with disappointment.

What am I supposed to do if you won’t even give me the chance?

You and I… we’re too different.

If I had admitted that from the start, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like this.

Ricardo and I are fundamentally different.

We don’t like the same things. We can’t even talk properly. What kind of relationship requires you to be constantly cautious around each other’s past?

Everything became a string of “what ifs.”

If I were you, I wouldn’t have said that.

If I were you, I wouldn’t have done this.

I only ever understood Ricardo in those brief, isolated moments.

‘Maybe Cedric was right—it really was all a waste of time.’

Regret rushed in.

I shouldn’t have said anything. Nothing changed anyway.

The sky had turned dark navy. Only the dry rustle of leaves filled the silence.

Then, under the moonlight, Ricardo’s shadow reached me.

As I slowly looked up, he spoke.

“…Maybe you’re right.”

“…….”

“It wasn’t because I didn’t want to hurt you—I didn’t say anything because I was afraid you’d hate me.”

His voice was low, but steady.

“I’m sorry.”

My eyes trembled.

“I’m sorry I turned my back on you when you were my fiancée, that I left you all alone…”

“…….”

“I’m sorry for being so defensive too.”

He let out a long, shaky breath.

“That day, when you fell into the lake with her… I didn’t leave you on purpose. I didn’t even know you were there. It wasn’t because I hated you.”

“…….”

“I’ve lived like a hunting dog all my life. I’m terrible at dealing with people. And after all this, if you don’t even hate me, then I have nowhere to stand. So I couldn’t say anything.”

He paused, looking afraid of what I might say. Regret clouded his eyes.

“…I didn’t want to say anything unless I meant it. That’s why it took so long.”

I opened my lips… but couldn’t find anything to say.

“I know I’ve disappointed you.”

“…….”

“But still… even if it’s selfish, I can’t live without you.”