DSFL | Chapter 108

~Chapter 108~ 

“…You love me?”

Ricardo’s words echoed in my ears.

I tried to say something, but only a deep sigh came out from between my lips.

It felt like the emotions I had tried so hard to hold back were now leaking out.

“Why… why…”

I couldn’t finish my sentence.

Instead, I quickly pulled a handkerchief from my pocket and reached out to wipe his tear-stained eyes.

Strangely, my hand was trembling.

Right then, Ricardo grabbed my hand.

“…!”

His blue eyes were filled with raw emotions.

They looked like the end of winter.

There was still fear and regret in them—feelings that hadn’t been resolved.

I saw myself in those eyes.

And I also saw the truth that I was planning to leave.

I hadn’t wanted to hurt Leon, which is why I planned to leave him a letter.

Because the end had already been decided.

But I couldn’t do the same with Ricardo.

There was no need to wonder why.

It had always frustrated me that we couldn’t talk properly.

And I didn’t want to stay stuck in that kind of relationship forever.

‘I never even considered an end with you.’

Suddenly, it felt like I’d been hit in the head.

…Maybe I was selfish too.

I had the courage to leave…

But I didn’t have the heart to ignore his feelings.

Maybe I should’ve thought about this situation the moment his behavior began to change.

No.

Deep down, I already knew.

Things started to change the moment I wanted to know more about the Ricardo I had read about in the book.

Choosing a different path than I had with Leon—everything had started from there.

But what if… what if this wasn’t real?

What if it was just an illusion?

Just like you became interested in a changed Bianca, maybe I’m just reacting to the newness of you.

Do I really have enough confidence in my feelings to stay here?

Can I truly say I won’t regret it?

Emotions always came before logic.

But in the end, logic took over, and all that was left was regret.

“I’m not saying this to be cruel…”

My throat tightened.

I wasn’t even sure what I was thinking anymore.

I gripped the handkerchief tightly and roughly wiped the tears from his eyes.

Ricardo’s teary gaze still didn’t know how to hold me back—it only trembled quietly.

“If you’re going to cry, at least do it nicely.”

I let out a laugh without realizing it.

…What on earth was I even saying?

But even more surprising was Ricardo’s reaction.

His eyes widened in sudden realization, and then—

Tears that had gathered on his lashes fell down his cheeks like tiny fragments of emotion.

“…You didn’t know?”

In that moment, Ricardo’s face flushed bright red.

Did he not even realize it himself?

He quickly covered his mouth with the back of his hand.

But his entire neck was already red—what was he even trying to hide at that point?

I awkwardly held out the handkerchief to him.

Ricardo looked like he wanted to disappear into the ground.

“Come on, or my hand’s going to fall off.”

Even though I offered it again, he didn’t take it.

Just as I started to pull it back, embarrassed—

He quickly grabbed it.

“I’m taking this.”

Then, like it was a treasure, he tucked it carefully into his chest pocket.

…That’s not why I gave it to him.

Our eyes met awkwardly in midair.

Then, as if trying to hide his still-flushed face, Ricardo turned his head.

“You don’t have to answer me. I didn’t say it expecting anything.”

“…”

“I just hope I can be there for you when you’re going through hard times.”

He kept a careful distance—neither forcing himself on me nor backing away.

His final words sank deep into me.

“…Thank you.”

That was all I could say.

I didn’t even know how I truly felt.

Accepting Ricardo’s heart felt selfish when I didn’t even understand my own.

Then, footsteps suddenly broke the silence.

“Your Grace!”

Both Ricardo and I turned our heads toward the voice.

It was Elliot, running toward us.

He flinched when he saw me, then quickly straightened up.

“You’re here too, my lady! Oh, it’s been a while!”

I gave him a small nod.

Seeing how pale and shaken he looked, I knew this wasn’t the time for friendly greetings.

Elliot ran up to Ricardo and started panicking.

“Do you know how desperately I was looking for you? After that huge mess you caused, I had no idea where you went—!”

“My head hurts. Stop talking.”

Ricardo rubbed his forehead like he was sick of everything.

“Even if I die here by your hand, I have to say this! Even the beast that attacked me wasn’t this hard to find—wait, Your Grace, your face is kind of—”

Before he could finish, Ricardo grabbed Elliot’s hood and yanked it down over his head.

“I’ll handle this. You go back to Roygin.”

“What?”

Ricardo didn’t wait for a response.

He climbed onto his horse and yanked the reins, speeding away.

“Wait! What do you mean, ‘handle it’?! At least tell me what your plan is!”

Elliot yelled at Ricardo’s retreating back.

Then, after a moment, he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

Then, with a sudden bright smile, he held out his hand to me.

“Would it be alright if I walked you home?”

***

I said I’d go back alone, considering the situation, but Elliot, like his master, didn’t know the meaning of flexibility.

“If I go back now, he’s just going to glare at me anyway. I’d rather stay with you—it’s a hundred times more peaceful!”

When we returned to the Roygin estate, it was still in chaos. But Atticus tried not to show it.

“You’re back, my lady.”

He greeted me with a faint smile.

“Shall I have a meal prepared for you?”

“No, I’m not really hungry.”

Atticus looked worried and suggested gently:

“Still, you should try to eat a little… Ah! Lord Bluea hasn’t eaten either. How about dining with him?”

“It’s late. He’s still up?”

“Yes. He seemed especially tired today.”

I swallowed hard.

Seeing my grandfather act differently filled me with fear.

“W-what about the doctor? Did he say anything? Is he okay now?”

My voice came out sharp and fast.

Atticus nodded but couldn’t quite hide the sense of unease.

He tried to ease my fear.

“Maybe it’s just the cold weather.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t want to add bad news.

“I sometimes don’t want to get out of bed either when I’m sleepy,” he added with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.

I forced a smile back.

“Is my brother very busy?”

“He likely will be for a while.”

I quickly walked toward my grandfather’s room. Atticus, following behind, cautiously asked:

“My lady, may I ask something?”

He paused.

“About Lord Harness…”

“We’re not accepting any guests at Roygin for now. Even if he’s grandfather’s old friend, no exceptions.”

Atticus nodded.

We reached Grandfather’s room. I didn’t even knock—I pushed the door open.

A musty, damp smell immediately hit my nose. Even the strong incense couldn’t cover it.

It was the smell of death—one that couldn’t be hidden.