Chapter 141
On the Bed
It was hard to believe.
How could Karsian appear at moments like this every time?
Whenever she desperately needed someone’s help…
Whenever she secretly wished he would be by her side…
He appeared as if by magic.
His appearance felt even more unreal than when her father suddenly showed up beside her bed.
“I thought I heard something strange, so I came, even if it’s rude. Is everything all right?”
Eleanor didn’t answer and only stared blankly at the door, so Karsian spoke again gently, his tone low but careful.
So that’s how he came at such perfect timing—
He must have woken up because of the sound she made.
I don’t think I made a loud noise… Sorry.
It had been closer to a sharp, heavy breath than a scream, but since the soundproofing wasn’t good, Karsian in the next room must have heard it clearly.
Feeling guilty for waking him, Eleanor lowered her brows and answered.
“It’s nothing. Did I wake you? I’m sorry, Karsian.”
“Don’t apologize. I wasn’t asleep yet, and I’m not that tired.”
He had worked the hardest all day, yet said he wasn’t tired.
Was his body made of steel?
Eleanor let out a small, helpless laugh at the thought.
His blunt yet gentle voice continued.
“I’m only worried about you. If there’s anything I can help with, please tell me. Anything at all. Just be honest.”
Even as he said that, he didn’t ask her to open the door, nor did he enter without permission.
The fact that even his concern came with respect moved Eleanor so much she bit her lower lip.
Just moments ago she had been shaking with fear—
She couldn’t even bring herself to open the door because the darkness felt so thick.
But hearing his voice made that darkness start to feel safe.
Slowly, Eleanor stood and walked toward the door.
She reached it and gently opened it.
Under the dim hallway light, a large man came into view.
Bigger and stronger than the Duke Astria had ever been—
But far more dependable.
“I have a request, Karsian.”
Eleanor whispered softly so as not to wake anyone and looked up at him.
Karsian’s appearance was different from usual.
His black hair was still damp, as if he had just bathed.
His pajamas were wrinkled, as though he had run the moment he heard her voice.
Eleanor slowly reached out and grabbed the wrinkled edge of his shirt.
“Can you stay with me? Even just for a little while? I’m scared to be alone.”
It took a lot of courage to say that.
She knew how it might sound to a man at this hour.
And she felt embarrassed admitting she was scared, like a child.
To hide her embarrassment, she smiled lightly, pretending to be fine.
Karsian stared at her quietly, then finally answered in a soft whisper,
“Yes. As long as you want.”
The way he lowered his voice to match hers was almost shockingly sensual.
And how he sometimes dropped his formal tone made him even more attractive.
Eleanor forced herself to ignore her suddenly racing heart and led him inside her room.
“Come here. You must be tired too. Lie down with me.”
It was something she would never say if she were fully awake.
Half asleep, half dazed, she spoke with the ridiculous thought that she just wanted to rest beside him.
Karsian clearly hadn’t expected such words—
His eyebrows twitched sharply, his expression stiff with shock.
But Eleanor didn’t mind.
She climbed onto the bed first and patted the spot beside her.
After a brief hesitation, Karsian approached the bed.
The bed tilted with a creak under his weight—
He was so much larger than Eleanor.
He lay beside her stiffly, unmoving like a wooden statue.
To help him relax, Eleanor pulled the blanket over both of them.
As she subtly shifted closer under the shared blanket, his already rigid body grew even stiffer.
In the dark, his red eyes shook as though facing a tremendous trial.
Not noticing this, Eleanor spoke innocently.
“Can I hold your hand?”
“…Of course.”
Smiling brightly, she slipped her hand into his.
Karsian squeezed his eyes shut, unable to endure it.
Get a grip. Not now.
He scolded himself inwardly.
This was the time to focus on her fear, not on his own desire.
Barely holding onto reason, he asked her gently,
“May I ask… what frightened you?”
“It’s nothing. I troubled you over something small.”
“Even if it’s small or personal, it’s fine. Anything involving you is important to me.”
“It’s really nothing. I just… had a nightmare.”
Lying beside him, Eleanor smiled awkwardly.
Karsian’s face, however, hardened grimly.
“A nightmare?”
“Things from before… They come back in my dreams sometimes.
There’s nothing I can do about it.
It’s just a dream, and in a few hours it fades. So don’t worry.”
Hearing her say that with a small, forced laugh, Karsian balled his hand into a fist under the blanket.
He wanted to destroy everything that had ever scared her.
But the past was something even he couldn’t change.
Ever since learning what she had gone through, he had wished endlessly—
If only he could go back.
If only he could help her then.
If only he could erase every trace of suffering from her memory.
He knew it was impossible, but he wished anyway.
And he hated himself for not being able to do anything.
“You say not to worry, but you look more exhausted than anyone…”
Eleanor raised her head a little toward him.
Their faces came close, and he flinched instinctively.
“I’m fine now. Since you’re here… the fear is gone.”
Her eyes curved sweetly as she smiled at him.
Karsian clenched his teeth.
She truly didn’t know—
Her long hair damp with cold sweat, her pale face drained of color, how fragile and hurting she looked.
And how calmly she spoke, as though she were used to suffering like this.
It tore at his heart.
“…Then I’ll stay with you. Whenever you’re afraid.”
“Even hearing that makes me feel better.”
Eleanor playfully spread her arms toward him.
“Then… can you hold me? Don’t stay so far away.”
She added with a small smile, saying it would help her feel more at ease.
After a long hesitation, Karsian finally moved.
His large, warm arms wrapped around her protectively.
Resting her head against his hard chest, Eleanor closed her eyes.
She could hear a fast heartbeat through his skin.
She wasn’t sure if it was his or hers.
Lying in his arms felt strange—
Like an overwhelming sense of safety
and a deep trust that calmed her heart completely.
She couldn’t name the feeling,
but she understood one thing clearly:
As long as he was here,
even if she had nightmares again,
she would be able to face them.
Much better than when she faced fear alone.
“Oh—Karsian.”
Listening quietly to his heartbeat, Eleanor suddenly lifted her head.
He was still wearing a worried frown.
She spoke casually, used to that expression.
“I heard you were obsessed with me these past few years. Is that true?”
“…Where did you hear that?”
“Just… passing by.”
She couldn’t reveal the real source for Lord Russell’s safety.
Eleanor narrowed her eyes, watching him.
“You didn’t deny it right away, so it isn’t completely false, right?”
Karsian fell silent.
So something had happened.
“Tell me. What do you mean ‘obsessed’?”
“…I’ll tell you if you promise not to run away.”
“What? Why would I run away?”
“I’m worried my feelings might seem… too intense. Too heavy for you.”
“That would never happen. Just tell me.”
Eleanor laughed softly, thinking he was exaggerating.
Seeing her laugh, Karsian only looked more serious.
Could he tell her the truth?
That he liked her so much
he watched her excessively for years…
That he constantly received information about her…
Visited every party she attended…
Silenced people who dared to speak badly of her…
And that even his aide hid information from him at times because it was too much.
If he said all that, Eleanor would surely step back.
Even he knew his behavior bordered on frightening.
Convinced he shouldn’t say it, he spoke with a flat, unreadable face.
“It’s better if I don’t tell you.”
“What? That’s unfair. Tell me, please?”
“No.”
His firm refusal made Eleanor frown.
She pressed herself closer to him and asked again.
“Karsian—”
She said his name for the same reason, but it ended up affecting him differently.
That was when she felt it.
A strange, undeniable sensation against her stomach.
She froze.
It was… hard.
Completely different from before.
She lifted her trembling gaze.
Karsian’s brows were tightly furrowed, his eyes shut as though trying to restrain something overwhelming.
“…Forgive me. I didn’t mean to show you this, especially when you’re not well. But it wasn’t intentional.”
His overly polite apology didn’t match the situation.
Eleanor opened and closed her mouth, unable to reply.
What was she supposed to say?
That it was fine?
That it didn’t matter?
Every option felt embarrassing.
Karsian mistook her silence as disapproval and quickly sat up.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll step away to calm down.”
Calm down… how?
The thought itself made Eleanor’s face burn red.
Even breathing felt embarrassing.
Seeing him about to leave made her move on instinct.
“Don’t go.”
Her pale fingers grabbed his clothes.
Even that small touch made him freeze in place, stopping mid-movement.
“I’m fine, so…”
Stay here.
She whispered so softly it was barely a voice.
Karsian slowly turned his head.
His red eyes met hers—caught between restraint and raw desire.
“‘I’m fine’… means…”
He leaned toward her, his voice low.
“What exactly are you allowing me to do?”
